Psalm 4:3-4 - Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord will hear when I call to him. In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Anger and fear are powerful emotions. And they will come regularly during this process of healing you are on. Your anger will boil up inside you as you ponder the unfaithfulness and weakness of your husband and his addiction. You will be tempted to spew words of hatred and disgust toward him, feeling you cannot continue to hold these awful feelings inside any longer.
Fear will grip your heart in the middle of the night, just when you thought you were gaining a moment of peace and calm. It comes to you and whispers doubts of God's goodness and faithfulness to you. It yells at you to run, take the easy way out, do whatever you must to protect your own skin and leave your husband to rot in his sin.
The worst thing you can do with your anger and fear is to either ignore it or suppress it. But it is very important that as you acknowledge these powerful feelings that you do so in the context of emotional safety. Your husband is not emotionally safe, at least not yet. Hopefully, he is working a recovery program that is helping him break free from his pattern of addiction. But you need to process these emotions out in a safe place (i.e. your pastor's wife, a qualified counselor, a trusted friend, etc.). Do not let your anger and fear go unattended.
Anger is the seed of bitterness. God is ALWAYS for reconciliation and restoration - it is the entire message of His gospel! But anger plants the seed of eventual bitterness if left alone. Learn to deal with your anger quickly and within the safety of trusted caregivers.
Fear is the seed of apathy and cynicism. If left unto itself, fear will move you into isolation and disconnect you emotionally and spiritually from the support you so desperately need right now. When fear comes it is essential that you are reminded of the spirit of power, love, and sanity that God has given you. Process this emotion also in the safety of trusted friends.
Today’s Thought:
I am not enslaved to my feelings of anger and fear. They are real emotions, but not so powerful that God cannot free me from them.
I am a woman of power, love, and sanity. God has granted me these gifts and I choose to trust him and apply them to my mind and actions today as I face my anger and fear.
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Elaine's "Post-It"
Day 2
It really helped to journal during this time. Paper is an easy listener. Pour out your emotions on paper, even your feelings toward God. It is a good outlet and later you can look back and see how far God has brought you.
Also, write down the things that do show that God is still there (i.e. nice things people do for you, moments where you felt God’s presence, blessings). It is a needed reminder of His goodness.
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