May 2008 E-News: Why Are We Not Ashamed?

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Why Are We Not Ashamed?

by Jonathan Daugherty

Is there such a thing as healthy shame? I spend a lot of time in our ministry helping people overcome the negative effects of shame, the kind of self-loathing thinking that causes a person to believe that he or she is worthless. This kind of shame eats away at the core of a person's identity, stealing away the truth that God made man in His own image. A person can thus begin to believe that God made a mistake when He made them, and they therefore live their lives in a state of depression and despair. This is obviously unhealthy shame. But is all shame the same? Is all shame wrong or negative or unhelpful?

I would propose there is such a thing as healthy shame. The problem is that such shame is growing rarer and rarer in our world today. We are losing the very necessary emotion of feeling ashamed. And our growing numbness to this sense of shame is largely due to our lack of acknowledging the very basic laws of God. We no longer believe in absolute morality, in absolute truth. We have, in our arrogance and pride, made all things relative.

Let me illustrate this through a very simple example. God tells us in the Bible that He hates lying. It is an absolute. Lying is wrong. Yet today in our culture lying is rarely even blushed over. In fact, if you are really good at it you can even hold positions of great power. Lying has almost become a type of sport among politicians, lawyers, mechanics, and many others. The best liar "wins." We have lost our sense of shame over lying because we have moved God's standard to fit our own desires, our own ideas of what is right or wrong.

To be ashamed is to feel embarrassment over one's guilt. But in order to feel such embarrassment, one must first have a sense of guilt. If the line of what is true or false keeps getting pushed to fit an individual's personal preference, then guilt can eventually be eradicated, at least from that individual's perspective. If guilt, a sensing that one's behavior is not right, is eliminated, then feeling ashamed isn't even possible. This is a dangerous place for an individual, or culture, to live.

Now let's look at this problem through the lens of rampant sexual sin in our country. There has been an exponential increase in pornography use in the past 15 years, largely due to the advent of the Internet. Also, our national media has repeatedly pushed the envelope on what is deemed acceptable programming. Mix in with this the resistance of organizations like the American Psychological Association of acknowledging sexual addiction as an actual problem and you will arrive at the state we are in now: a sexually saturated culture that doesn't even recognize its own depravity. Guilt is being erased from our vocabulary.

Regardless of this cultural slide, there is absolute truth. God's standards do not waver, regardless of the times we may live in. Because of this there is hope for those trapped in the lies of their sin. We don't have to flap around in the winds of our own morality, but rather we can plant our lives in the solid foundation of God's law, His standard for our lives. But this hope for change actually must come through a renewed sense of guilt.

Something that comes as a bit of a shock for most people desiring to break free from sexually addictive patterns is the overwhelming sense of guilt they feel when they start learning just how far their lives have fallen short of God's standard. But that is actually a good thing. That is the beginning of change, because it is at this point of brokenness that God can come in and transform a life. Brokenness, feeling ashamed over our guilt, is really where God's Spirit moves in us and brings life, true life, into our existence. The truth is that we can't live a holy life apart from being filled with the Holy Spirit. So our brokenness serves as the doorway of humility that invites the living God to take hold of our lives in such a way as to change us; from the inside out.

Do you feel ashamed or distressed over your sin? Do you even know where you are falling short? Examine your life today in light of God's Word. Don't be afraid to take an honest assessment of where you fall short. Bring your failings and your guilt before God in humility. When you do, God will meet you with His grace and lift your head out of the sorrow of your sin into the joy of His holiness. Let us be courageous in bringing back a healthy sense of shame over the great sins we have committed, individually and as a culture. And may God have mercy on us for so arrogantly ignoring His truth.

Can My Marriage be Saved?

by Mae & Erika Chambers

Can My Marriage be Saved? is filled with more than twenty true stories of couples whose marriages were restored, even after being deemed "hopeless" by their friends, family, counselors - even pastors!

Each of these couples overcame devastating circumstances such as adultery, sexual addiction, clinical depression, bankruptcy, substance abuse, and the loss of their children.

The true stories in this book offer hope for any troubled marriage.  And the ministries listed at the end of each story can provide practical help for hurting couples in even the most desperate circumstances.

Note: Jonathan & Elaine Daugherty's story is in this book (Chapter 6)

Price: $13.99 plus S&H

Click here for ordering info

Real Question:

I have a lot of resentment and anger built up over the years against my parents.  I realize now that much of what they did in my childhood was not healthy for me and only aided in my developing tendencies to isolate and medicate my pain with sexual behaviors.  How can I possibly heal from my father and mother wounds?

Real Answer:

God can fill the father and mother longings you have.  Now, I won't presume to know how He will do this, but I do know that He is able and willing to fill you up completely.  It has always been interesting to me in my life how much I can know intellectually about the fact that God is able to "complete" us, but yet I continue to strive for solutions in my own power and my own wisdom.  In essence, I refuse at a core level to simply take Him at His word.  I try to add something to it or take something away, because my mind just won't accept that it might be truly as "easy" as He says it is.
 
Jesus even said that His yoke is easy and His burden light.  God designed us to only be fully alive, content, and at peace when we are absolutely surrendered to His Spirit.  It's like He made us with "circuitry" that only operates at its full capacity and standards when He is the power source.  Anything else, anything that we try to pass through that circuitry other than His Spirit ends up shorting out our system and we don't "work" right.  We end up experiencing less than true life, less than the abundant life Jesus offered.
 
Again, I wish I knew all the "how to's" for such dependence on God every moment of the day.  But I'm just like you, learning with each feeble step what it means to live a surrendered life.  But I'm beginning to see that life doesn't have to be as complicated as we make it.  God never intended for us to be so wrapped up in our anxieties and worries and fears.  He wants us to "cast all our cares upon Him" because He really does care for us and He really can carry all our burdens.  So, when you are feeling heavy with anger toward your parents, or cheated for not receiving the nurture and care you needed from them, or empty for not having a good father, cast those cares on the shoulders of Jesus.  Take Him at His word that He cares for you.  Your faith will grow and God will begin to break through your numb heart and show you the love of a father, a true, good, perfect Father.

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• May Radio Shows

  3rd - Is One Woman Enough? 
  10th - Are We Allowed to Help Homosexuals?  |  Healing Hidden Wounds with Lee Preston
  17th - Guest: Sandy's Insights for Wives (Part 1 of 2)
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