April 2008 E-News: Never Beyond the Fundamentals

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Never Beyond the Fundamentals

by Jonathan Daugherty

I was an all-star basketball player in high school.  One of the highlights of my life was being selected to play in the Texas McDonald's All-Star Game my senior year.  It marked the pinnacle of success in my sport, and it will be a memory I always cherish.  But as I look back on that magical time in my sports career I learn a lesson about life that applies to my ongoing battle against lust and sexual addiction: I will never "graduate" from the fundamentals.

The skill level at the All-Star Game was outstanding.  I loved being around guys who were big, agile, and talented.  One of the players on the opposing team was only 5'6" tall, but could dunk a basketball with two hands.  Another player was nearly 7 feet tall but could handle the ball like a point guard.  I was surrounded by incredible talent but, ironically, the game of basketball, the fundamentals, never changed.

Dribbling, shooting, passing, playing defense, running; these are the fundamentals of the game of basketball.  It doesn't matter if the ball is in the hands of a 4th grader or a professional all-star, the game itself must still be played the same way.  The only thing that is different along that continuum is the skill of the player.  But even the skill of the player only increases as he or she perfects the fundamentals.  The game never breaks apart from those essentials.  If it did, it would no longer be basketball.

This principle of fundamentals applies to living a life of sexual purity.  Brokenness, honesty, faith, and accountability are the fundamentals, the essentials of a life of purity.  They will never change.  The one who wants to live free from sexually addictive thoughts and behaviors must build their life upon these principles.  If on any one of these fundamentals the addict tries to break away, he is no longer walking in purity.  You never get beyond the fundamentals.

I am often tempted to think that I have graduated from the fundamentals of purity.  After all, I must be on the "varsity" team since I am the founder and director of a national sexual purity ministry, right?  Wrong!  Each time I have drifted toward this sort of thinking, God has been gracious, yet firm in reminding me that no one (that's right - no one!) is beyond the fundamentals.  There is no graduation ceremony in this pursuit of purity, but there is lots of room for improving your skill.

Can you improve your skill in the area of sexual purity?  Absolutely!  Purity is a progression, a process of being transformed from the old, self-centered addict to the new, Christ-centered saint.  This process takes time, attention, work, counsel, and commitment.  Do you think that professional athletes reach such a position of skill solely based on the talent they were born with?  Hardly.  While there certainly is a degree of natural talent, they all must still practice, practice, practice the fundamentals.  And with each practice they are honing their skills a little more, which are tested in every game they play.

The "practice field" for the sex addict is accountability.  This often takes the form of support groups or small face-to-face interactions with others on the same journey.  We sharpen each other's skills by educating, sharing, and confessing along our journey.  The "games" are the temptations we face that want us to stray from the fundamentals and return us to the old man, the addict.  We practice in accountability so we can win in the game, resisting each temptation and embracing our freedom in Christ.

Are you tempted to think that you are beyond the fundamentals?  Don't be fooled.  To win and live a fully contented life of purity, you must keep your feet firmly planted in the fundamentals - brokenness, honesty, faith, and accountability.  Do this and you will reap tremendous rewards of peace, joy, friendship, and purpose.

40 Days of Purity: Living a Life of Purity...One Day at a Time

by Stephen Cervantes

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Real Question:

Is it wrong for me to be constantly fascinated and enamored with my "sexual parts"?  Sometimes I like to play with myself without it becoming "sexual."  Most of the time this eventually (maybe after a couple days) leads to masturbation or viewing pornography, which I know is wrong (and I always hope for forgiveness from God).  What are your thoughts?

Real Answer:

God's forgiveness is available and free, but I want to challenge you to add to your confession an attitude of brokenness.  I'm not sure if you have truly experienced brokenness over your sin (or even your "innocent" behaviors that precede it).  This Bible puts it this way, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb. 12:4)  Resisting temptation is not some easy task to be taken lightly.  You are in an all-out battle for your mind.  The enemy wants to keep you in this cycle of failure; doing ok for a few days (or weeks) and then crashing.  God wants to set you free! (Gal. 5:1)
 
Brokenness is your avenue to freedom in Christ.  It is an ever-present awareness of your desperate need for the life of Christ flowing through you.  God is not present simply to help you "do the right thing."  He wants your life to be completely transformed, His Spirit leading you every moment of every day.  This is real freedom and it doesn't come about without us surrendering our will and continually acknowledging our need before God.
 
I think it is apparent, based on where your seemingly "innocent" behaviors typically lead, that "playing with fire" will only get you burned.  It may not burn you immediately, but the longer you toy around with it, you will get burned.  God gave you a penis as part of your biological makeup, just like He gave you feet.  But do you obsess over your feet the way you have learned to obsess over your penis?  No (I'm assuming).  There needs to be greater balance in your life concerning this.  Your sexuality was given so that you might give it freely, and without guilt, to your wife.  Sex was never created to be taken, only focused on self-pleasure.  Sex was created to be expressed between a husband and wife only.  Try not to obsess over your sexuality, but rather use those moments of temptation to draw near to God and near to others in accountability.

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Do you have a real question you need answered? If so, email it to us at questions@bebroken.com.

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• We are sad to say that we are having to shut down our Houston affiliate station due to financial reasons.  As of May 1st our program will no longer be carried on KKHT in Houston.  We apologize to our listeners in Houston and hope that one day in the future we might be able to be back on the airwaves there.  In the meantime, we hope that our Houston listeners will still tune in to the broadcast online by podcast or mp3 download.

• April Radio Shows

  5th - Fighting Against "Lustification" (Part 1 of 2)
  12th - Fighting Against "Lustification" (Part 2 of 2)
  19th - Origins of Homosexual Feelings (Part 2)  |  Healing Hidden Wounds with Lee Preston
  26nd - What Makes Sexuality So Powerful?

   

• Spread the Word!  If you like what we're doing, educating people about living a life of sexual purity, then contact your local Christian talk radio station and tell them about the Pure Sex Radio broadcast.  Then, email us at tellastation@puresexradio.com and give us the call letters, city, and state of the station you contacted.  We will follow up with the station manager to see about adding our program to their schedule.

Also, email and call your friends and family to tell them about our program.  Even if they don't live in an area where we are broadcast on a traditional radio station, they can listen to the broadcast online through our FREE podcast.  Learn more about our podcast at http://www.puresexradio.com/psr/radio/podcast.shtml.

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