October 2007 E-News: Men Need Men

October 2007  |  Issues X

 Forward this newsletter to a friend

• 5th Annual Purity Party!

• Putts for Purity Golf Tournament (Oct. 13th!)

• Purity Spotlight: Men Need Men by Stephen Cervantes

• Resource Spotlight: Man of Valor

• Real Answers to Real Questions

5th Annual Purity Party!

Come join us October 12th for a great evening of fun and celebration.

What is the Purity Party?  A FREE event to come together and enjoy dessert, fun, music, and celebrate the good things God has done over this past year.

Who should attend this event?  EVERYONE!  This is not a seminar or workshop, but rather a fun-filled evening for God's people to witness all the amazing things He has done through the ministry of Be Broken.

When will the Purity Party take place?  Friday, October 12th from 7:00 - 8:30 pm CST

Where will the Party be held?  Northeast Bible Church (click here for map)

How can I register for the Party?  Call 1.800.49.PURITY or email register@bebroken.com and include the number of guests attending.  (This helps us plan well for the dessert)

Important Facts to Know:

• No childcare will be provided

• This is NOT a fundraiser

• Dessert only will be served (but it's all you will need!)

• FREE drawing for a 1-year SafeEyes membership

• Bring your friends - it really is fun!

Call 1.800.49.PURITY or email register@bebroken.com to register for the Party!

Only DAYS left!  Deadline to register is Oct. 5th (you can pay the day of the tournament).

Putts for Purity is the new (yet 'annual') golf tournament fundraiser for Be Broken Ministries.  This year's tournament will raise money for our Teen & Parent outreaches.  Our goal is to provide 100 families with one full year of Internet protection through SafeEyes free of charge, and also to offer 100 young people (ages 15-25) a 1/2 off discount on the PureOnline workshop.

Whether you play golf or not, you can be involved in this exciting fundraiser to help protect children online and provide quality biblical tools for helping those who have already dabbled in the dangers of porn.

Tournament Date: October 13, 2007

Time of Event: 8:00 am (scramble format)

Golf Course: Olympia Hills

Cost: $75 for single player  |  $280 for group (foursome)

Note: You do not have to live in San Antonio (or even Texas) to participate in this fundraiser.  And you don't have to be a golfer to get involved - you can donate directly toward the cause.

Learn more about the Putts for Purity Golf Tournament

Men Need Men

by Stephen Cervantes, LPC, LMFT
www.hopecounseling.com

I would like to share some observations about men.  First, have you noticed how some men have a healthy variety of adult males in their life?  That is to say, some men have good male buddies.  They spend time together.  They periodically eat meals together.  They may enjoy a guys-night-out occasionally.  Those men talk, play and work together.  As Christians, they may study their Bibles together.  Even if they don’t read scriptures together, they still strive to spur each other on to good works.  These relationships have quiet boundaries.  Christian men have a sense of right and wrong. Relationships define who they are.  When a man is in a relationship with a godly, Christian brother, they call each other to a higher level.

There is a simple, unspoken truth among Christian men.  That is, as Christian men we seek to bridle our will, desires and biological urges to act more like Christ.  If what you just read makes sense, then you will agree with this statement: Men need good men in their lives.  Or, said another way, good men make regular men better.

Here is my second and very different observation.  If you went into a Men’s Club, you would see a room full of tables.  Most tables would have just one man sitting by himself.  He is there alone.  He wants to be there alone.  This is his private, alone, secret life.  In most cases, male companionship is the furthest thing from his mind.   Picture this image.  It is a wonderfully descriptive metaphor for an unbalanced male life.  It is the picture of a man sitting alone looking for the perfect female.  He believes that a fantasy female will ultimately make him happy, satisfied and content.   If you asked, you would quickly find out that that the man sitting alone at that table has no solid male friendships.  

This man has decided his greatest needs can be fulfilled with the ultimate sexual fantasy experience.   The dilemma of the fantasy female solution is that she does not exist.  But the man continues to return week after week to pursue his fantasy.  He sits alone.  He has a thrill provided by a stranger.  His body responds with excitement.  The response is short lived, however, and with each fantasy thrill, his spirit shrivels up a little more.  At the end of the evening he is still alone.  He has grown, but his growth just means more sexual fantasy thoughts.  He does not end the evening being built up. He is not strengthened in his manhood.  He is, if anything, a weaker man.  Fantasy is ultimately followed by restless discontent.  

Here are some conclusions I have reached.  The first category of men are practicing true growth and intimacy.  They seek to build relationships with other men.  They know they need good men in their lives to help bridle and shape their manhood. The second category of men are misusing their sexuality.  They are pursing a fantasy female experience when they should be growing healthy male relationships.  Real men practice real intimacy, not false intimacy.  Pursuing inappropriate sexual fantasy thoughts is pursing false intimacy. 

What is the difference between these two pictures?  The first man is growing healthy relationships with other men.  He probably goes home to his wife and enjoys friendship, conversation and healthy sexuality.  The second man is shriveling up in his manhood.  He is often the man who is emotionally under-developed and under-involved with other men.  He is stuck in adolescent thinking. He believes a sexual rush will make him complete as a man.   I believe there are a bunch of Christian men who are living dangerously close to this second example.  They may not go to men’s clubs, but they run plenty of sexual fantasies in their head all day long.   They are under-involved with other good men.  They push their sexuality beyond its God-given intended purpose. 

I believe many men were shaped in their youth with unhealthy sexual perceptions.   They picked up the belief in their mind’s eye that they must always be looking for the perfect female for the perfect fantasy.  Further, they believe having the perfect sexual experience will make them a whole, complete man.    

You many be asking, “Why is this discussion important?”  I would like to challenge men to review their thoughts.  If you are wasting time with female fantasies it is time to stop.  Please consider this thought: you do not need to practice any more inappropriate fantasy thoughts.   Rather, you need to invest in stronger Christian male relationships.  Most men have a significant need for deep male friendships.  

The solution to being a better man is not found in private, sexual fantasy thoughts.   The solution is found in growing stronger male friendships. 

Stephen Cervantes is president of Hope Counseling Center in San Antonio, Texas.  Stephen also serves as the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors for Be Broken Ministries and co-host of the weekly Pure Sex Radio broadcast.

Man of Valor
by Richard Exley

A compelling presentation, without theological posturing, Exley speaks about the uncomfortable, and often unspoken issues of manhood — addressing everything from financial pressures, integrity, health, juggling the demands of family and career, to counting the real cost of infidelity — a must read, for every man.

Price: $10.95 plus S&H

Click here for ordering info
 

Real Question:

Is insecurity the main cause of porn addiction?

Real Answer:

Insecurity is often one characteristic that perpetuates porn addiction, because the addict feels inadequate to connect emotionally with others. This also can prevent an addict from breaking the silence on their addiction because of the fear that if anyone knew what they were really doing they would reject and condemn them. We have a workbook that helps people combat this sort of shame. It is entitled Understanding Shame: Breaking the Power of the Addictive Spiral. (learn more here)

----------

Do you have a real question you need answered? If so, email it to us at questions@bebroken.com.

 E-mail this page
 Printer-friendly page