August 2007 E-News: Safeguarding Your Heart

August 2007  |  Issues VIII

• 2007 Birdies for Charity Campaign (only 2 months left!)

• Purity Spotlight: Safeguarding Your Heart by David Mackey

• Resource Spotlight: Nooma 'Lump' Video

• Real Answers to Real Questions

Only 2 months left!  Deadline to pledge is Oct. 2nd.

"Birdies for Charity" is a great fundraiser sponsored by the Valero Texas Open and "GolfSanAntonio.org. This is our second year to participate in this campaign. All funds raised through Birdies for Charity this year will go toward expanding our Pure Sex Radio broadcast. One hundred percent (100%) of the money you pledge for Be Broken is donated to our ministry.

Note: You do not have to live in San Antonio (or even Texas) to participate in this fundraiser.

Learn more about the Birdies for Charity Campaign

Safeguarding Your Heart
by David Mackey, LPC

It was 1998. I had just begun a counseling practice with New Life Ministries. I had finally bought a new computer that worked, rather than a hand-me-down computer that really didn’t.

More good news, geographically, my New Life Clinic office was closer to one of my best college friends. I didn’t know what an “accountability partner” was then, but he was the guy I first confessed to regarding my struggle with pornographic magazines. Our regular talks and prayer times were a big tool toward my finding victory over the use of porn. So I called my friend to exchange my office and email addresses and to catch up after many months of being too busy to pick up the phone.

One of my friends first questions was, “Hey Dave, did you get a filter for your computer?” “What’s a filter?” I asked, as I tried to imagine how a coffee filter could possibly be used with my computer. Tim went on to explain how late one night when he was just starting to figure out his computer, he came across sites that were beyond his imagination. He wasn’t looking for them, they easily found him. After 25 years, one of this guys first inclinations when talking to me was concern for how I was doing in the Battle. How cool is that?!

Internet porn may be the biggest issue for those in the Battle. Pornography has been around for a long time. Sexual temptations have been around even longer. But it was the advent of the Internet which really awakened the world to a need for resources like the Every Man's Battle Workshops. Indeed many of the men who come to EMB Workshops found the use of Internet porn to be THE slippery

slope that finally brought them down. Most men’s story is that they started looking at magazines at the ages of 10 to 13. Most men report that they continued looking at magazines throughout their life. Most often secretly, men carried this hidden passion right into adulthood, even throughout their marriages. Other sexually impure behaviors often came into play including actual affairs and connection with real women.  But the pornographic magazines never really left UNTIL the Internet.

For with the Internet comes way more freedom and access than most men can handle. Indeed we are bombarded with seductive ads constantly. Even pictures can pop-up without our request. Sometimes just the subject line in an unsolicited email can be a powerful trigger. I personally learned this the hard way.

This article is to provide some practical tips on using the Internet on your computer. I will share some of the products I know of that can be helpful in this battle.

Let’s look at 3 levels of protection: Our Personal Tools, Passive Tools and Proactive tools to assist in our Internet use.

Personal Tools involve some work in our heart and mind. Romans 12 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Let me encourage you to renew your mind with the truth that “The Internet Can Be Dangerous”. Know that in your head. Know that in your heart. Believe this truth so you can approach it appropriately. If you have any love for guns you know that they can bring much enjoyment and good times. But they are also dangerous and any gun owner worth his salt, knows in his head, knows in his heart and believes the truth that guns are dangerous. So when they use them they do so with safety constantly on their mind. Treat the Internet the same way! Too often the way we got in this mess was because we treated the Internet as a toy. It’s not!

Passive Tools involve setting up your Internet and computer services in such a way that access to pornography is difficult. Unfortunately, one can’t say access is impossible. There is always a way that our devious hearts and minds seem to figure it out.

The first, and I believe best, Passive Tool is to get a Filtered Internet Service Provider (ISP). Very likely you have “AOL” or “MSN” as your ISP because they come with computers and/or offer lots of free time. However, what you need is an ISP which filters porn before it ever gets to your computer. I personally have used Integrity-On-Line, Cleanweb, and Safe-eyes. They are very effective and I didn’t even have the titles of porn sites come up when I searched for something else. Do a search for Filtered ISP’s and you should find many to choose from.

However, when receiving emails I did receive solicitations. The subject line itself would be pornographic, and I don’t even need to read that. I also found out that if your email account is set up to preview your emails, it opens some of them up and you could be hit with a picture. To fight this you do 2 things: 1) turn off your preview option on your email account and 2) purchase spam blocker software. I have used software called “Mail Wiper” which worked well for me. This software will automatically send a message to a sender asking if they know “you” the receiver. If they respond then they will be added to your mailing list. If they don’t respond they will be added to your delete list. Your own personal mailing list will not be blocked. McAfee also has a “spam killer”.

Proactive Tools involve setting up software which monitors every move you make on the computer. I have heard the Net Accountability, Covenant Eyes and X3Watch are all helpful. Each week an email is sent to the person, or persons, you designate, perhaps an accountability partner so they will know what you have been doing. This not only protects you from wandering/searching for a way around the filters but also will show what time is wasted playing solitaire. Time stewardship is another problem we who struggle with Sexual Purity seem to have.

To be sure, this is not an exhaustive list of that which can be done to safeguard your heart while on the Internet. However, these are effective tools. Of course, if your heart continues to pursue Internet porn even after these tools are in place, the best plan is to get rid of the Internet all together. After all, we did survive before the Internet.

David Mackey is the founder of New Strength Counseling, a biblical counseling outreach in the New Life Health Network.  New Strength has two office locations in New Jersey; Union and Freehold.

Learn more about New Strength Counseling at www.newstrengthcounseling.net.

A lot of us have done things in our lives that we're ashamed of. Some of us even have things that people close to us don't know about. Personal junk that we keep to ourselves so we don't have to deal with it. Because we don't know how to deal with it, do we? We're afraid that if we try it's just going to make everything worse. But no matter how big our junk is, no matter how much we've done has impacted the way other people feel about us or how we feel about ourselves, it hasn't changed how God feels about us. God loves us, he always has and always will, and there's nothing we can do to change that.

Price: $10 plus S&H

Click here for ordering info

Real Question:

How do you know when a healthy sexual desire has turned into a lustful unhealthy drive?

Real Answer:

Good question. This is one of those "gray area" questions. There is no red flashing light that appears on a guy's forehead when he has crossed over from a normal sexual thought to lustful thinking. Generally speaking, however, when a normal sexual reaction (increased heartbeat upon seeing an attractive peer, for example) leads to capturing an image or thought for self-centered pleasure, a line has been crossed.

Most guys have a hard time distinguishing between normal, healthy sexual feelings and lust. We must keep in mind that God is the creator of beauty. It was His idea to make us sexual beings. So, the sexual feelings themselves are not a mistake. We must become responsible, however, for directing those feelings in the channels that will lead to purity rather than lust. This may mean acknowledging beauty, but quickly underscoring the potential for lust if appropriate channeling does not occur.

Some good ways to redirect sexual energy could be exercise, calling a friend, or listening to music - activities that will invest your mind in letting beauty remain beautiful and not something you allow your wandering mind to turn into ugliness.

----------

Do you have a real question you need answered? If so, email it to us at questions@bebroken.com.

 E-mail this page
 Printer-friendly page