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Purity Spotlight
The Body Follows the Mind
The mind is an amazing thing. It is that intangible part of us where thoughts and ideas are held, and where decisions are made. In fact, every decision we make, whether good or bad, begins in the mind.
When I say "mind" I am not talking about your brain. Scientists poke around on our brains, the physical mush that is housed in our skulls, and find out all kinds of fascinating facts about electrical signals and chemical flow patterns. These chemicals and electrical impulses cause our bodies to respond in specific, predictable ways. For instance, it is through electrical impulses in my brain that is causing my fingers to move across this keyboard and type the text for this article. That's the "scientific" part. But behind the science is my mind. The mind is that part of you that no one can see, no scientist can probe, and yet it directs the brain to send the correct signals to the body. Amazing - and sobering.
I have become convinced that renewing the mind is mainly a matter of focus. Let me explain. When I was a kid and just starting to get involved in secret sexual sin, I didn't guard my mind much. I didn't think twice about staring at lingerie ads in the paper or sneaking peeks at a Playboy every now and then. Sure, I felt a little guilty, but I didn't think any real damage was being done to my mind. Over time, however, I realized that the focus of my mind gradually shifted from that which was clean, pure, and pleasing to God to that which was self-focused, lude, and sexually explicit. As my focus drifted so did my behaviors.
Therefore, if a person desires to break free from years of habitual secret sexual sin, the starting point must be refocusing the mind on all that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8). The sex addict's mind has become so trashed and filled with emotional and spiritual garbage that this process can take quite some time. But just as the fall to sexual addiction was a gradual slide, the rise to spiritual excellence is also gradual. Piece by piece we sift through the garbage of lies contained in the mind and toss them out while putting truth in their place. As this mental garbage gets removed in favor of truth and purity, behavior begins to change. This brings much excitement and hope to the sex addict who has been trapped for years behind the rubble of false beliefs in their mind.
A note of caution is warranted here for you who are brave enough to attempt to begin the process of refocusing your mind on truth and purity. You will meet resistance and you cannot succeed alone! The enemy of your soul, and even the very flesh you are encased in, will combat this process of cleaning up your mind. You see, a clean vessel is a potent tool in the hand of Almighty God. And such a tool wields powerful blows against the enemy, so be prepared for resistance.
You also cannot succeed in the long run without companions of truth on the journey. Your mind was not meant to exist in isolation from others. God created you for relationship. Therefore, embrace the challenge to clean up your mind with a few trusted friends at your side. As you walk this path together you will experience new levels of freedom and purity, along with the increased strength of togetherness. As the Scripture says, "...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Eccl. 4:12)
Renew your mind and behaviors will follow.
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Real Answers to Real Questions
Real Question: Are setbacks normal on the road to recovery?
Real Answer: To answer your question about setbacks directly, "Yes, setbacks are part of the journey!" Now, this doesn't mean we don't seek to deal with them, adjust our purity plan, and strive for deeper intimacy with God. It simply means that no one does "life" (or recovery) perfectly. There are bumps in the road - some bigger than others. I am convinced that the key to increasing consistency in a lifestyle of purity is how a man responds to setbacks. When setbacks ( i.e. a slip up) occur, will he cower in shame and self-hatred (a very common, normal response), or will he confess it, acknowledge that the journey is long, and seek to improve from it? The ones who respond with perseverance are the ones who "make it" in the long run. (But even those who "make it" still have setbacks, they just seem to get smaller and smaller as the journey progresses)
I want to encourage you to see the journey for what it is - a process of becoming something you aren't today. In other words, keeping in mind that God is in the process of transforming you into the reflection of His Son, Jesus. None of us will reach a point in this life where we reflect him perfectly, but we can grow increasingly "clean" to where the reflection improves. This, however, takes time, patience, humility, and LOTS of perseverance! It has been my experience and observation that "success" in the arena of purity is most likely achieved by those men and women who reach a point where they resolve to NEVER GIVE UP no matter how tough the journey gets, or how many setbacks they experience. Persistence is KEY to long-term growth.
Keep filling your mind with God's Word. The Psalms are a great place to camp out, so I am glad to see that you are reading there. Some other good reading spots in the Word are Proverbs, Romans, and the Gospels. Really study the life of Christ and ask God to give you a soft heart that is receptive to His leading. The real "goal" of working toward a lifestyle of purity isn't so you never struggle with temptation again, but rather to grow in your intimacy with God and others. Most often, we who struggle with sexually addictive behaviors, have a real problem attaching emotional to other people, and even God. So, we must engage other people in genuine, emotional relationships. This is usually where most sex addicts bail out or get stuck - it's just so hard to connect when you have developed a life that is used to isolation. But it's a must - connect!
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Do you have a real question you need answered? If so, email it to us at questions@bebroken.com.
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Featured Resource
Understanding Shame: Breaking the Power of the Addictive Spiral
Produced by David Teems & Barry Piacente
Written by Jonathan Daugherty
This workbook is designed to help individuals overcome the emotionally crippling effects of shame in their lives. Written from a Christian perspective, the reader will gain the knowledge and motivation to develop an entirely fresh outlook on life. Excellent curriculum for small group interaction and discussion. (42 pages)
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