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Purity Spotlight

Let the Truth Be Told...

by Jonathan Daugherty

We live in a society in love with itself. Virtually everywhere you look you will find someone proclaiming that life is about your pleasure, your comfort, and your dreams. It has become such a familiar mantra in our culture that very few, if any, are questioning its validity. Even Christians are buying into such a philosophy; yet, with the ever so subtle spin that such pursuits are in line with "God's blessing" on them.

I don't mean to sound cenacle, but I don't mind if it comes across as such. We truly do live in the land of plenty, but is such excess an indication of God's blessing? I hope not! We possess more "stuff" in America than most other countries combined, yet we are less satisfied with our lives than even just a century ago. How can this be? Shouldn't more wealth, more comfort, and more "success" secure happiness and peace?

I think it is time the truth be told about the empty philosophies of self-centered living. A life lived in self-focus produces a dissatisfied, bitter, and lonely existence. When we buy into the me-first mentality we are seduced into a trap of deception that leads us in the opposite direction of true peace and fulfillment. Why? Because we were never created to meet our own deepest needs for love, acceptance, and worth.

I find it fascinating (and heartbreaking) that virtually all addictions begin out of a deep desire for emotional and spiritual nurture. I have spoken with countless sex addicts who are attempting to satisfy their hunger for love and acceptance through sexually destructive habits. And these faulty coping mechanisms only serve to solidify their thoughts of self-hatred and despair. So, in desperation, they reach out for help from a society (Christian and non) who counsels them that "the answer lies within." It isn't long before they are spiraling even deeper into their futile addictive patterns. Where is the hope for love, joy, and true satisfaction?

Thankfully, there is an answer to this horrible deception of self-focused living. The answer to the despair of self-centeredness is found in a growing relationship with our Creator through Jesus Christ. That's it. A very simple solution to an overwhelming problem, but one that unfortunately doesn't come naturally. It is also not an automatic "right" to every Christian. A God-focused life is a process which involves submission, commitment, and lots of practice.

Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Do you want to combat the lies of self-focused living? Begin today to purify your heart. We must commit to the journey of cleaning out the closets of our hearts, removing the pride, anger, fear, bitterness, lust, greed, envy, and all that hinders our view of God. I don't believe we feel distant from God at various times in our lives because He has moved. We feel distant because we cannot see Him through all the clutter (sin) we have invited to remain in our hearts. A clean heart is a heart that sees God clearly and rightly.

The transition from a self-centered life to a God-centered life is not necessarily linear in its progression. You may decide today you want to live a God-centered life and start to clean out the junk in your heart. You are moving in the right direction. But then tomorrow comes and you feel a particular (and familiar) twinge of pride or lust asking to reenter the closet from which you expelled it. You may oblige and soon find yourself back to your old, self-centered ways of thinking and behaving. But don't give up. The process is a long one. In fact, this transition will take a lifetime of practice, and even then you will only have a small taste of what a truly surrendered life to Christ is like. It will only be fully realized when you are with Him forever in heaven. But the pursuit of intimacy with God in this life is a grand pursuit indeed that produces the fruit of love, joy, peace and the inner fulfillment your heart has desired since its creation.

There is only one remaining question when faced with the truth. Will you believe it? Since our actions are born from our beliefs, we will never live a God-centered life until we truly believe that a deepening relationship with Jesus Christ is the only way to experience complete fulfillment in this life and the life to come.

I invite you today to examine your heart and see if you have believed the lies of self-centeredness. If so, I challenge you to turn your face toward heaven and begin the journey of surrender to the only One capable of touching your deepest needs.

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Real Answers to Real Questions

Real Question:

How can I know if I'm a sex addict?

Real Answer:

Sexual addiction is the compulsive attempt(s) to meet legitimate emotional needs through some means of sexual activity. A sex addict has repeatedly tried to stop the behavior(s), but is unable to do so.

Sexual addicts usually display some, or all, of the following characteristics:

1. Age-inappropriate behavior

2. Overly intense reactions to minimal stressors

3. Symptoms are frequent

4. High level of social disruption

5. Inner suffering and pain

6. Persistence of the behaviors

7. Physical damage to self or others

 

Definition of characteristics is modified from Breaking Free by Russell Willingham

Common Characteristics of Sexual Addiction

1. Sex addicts act out in isolation. Whether viewing pornography or soliciting prostitutes, sexually addictive behavior is conducted outside the realm of familiar relationships (i.e. spouse, children, friends, etc.).

2. Sexual addiction is devoid of emotional connection. The purpose of the behavior is most often a form of escaping emotional pain or discomfort rather than an attempt to foster such connection.

3. Sex addicts are deceptive with their behaviors. Lying, manipulating, and even threatening loved ones is common for sex addicts in order to perpetuate the addiction.

4. Sexual addiction is compulsive, meaning the addict has attempted to quit numerous times but is unable to sustain sobriety. In other words, the behaviors control the person rather than the person controlling the behaviors.

5. Sex addicts struggle with self-hatred, despair, and loneliness. The spiral of shame perpetuates the addictive behaviors and solidifies a core belief that the addict is unworthy of love, care, or recovery.

6. Sexual addiction is progressive in nature. Acting out behaviors cannot remain at the same "level." What might have produced a "high" yesterday will no longer do so today. Therefore, the addiction progresses (i.e. pornography leads to anonymous sex which leads to prostitution, etc.).

7. Sex addicts often struggle with significant underlying fear and anger issues. Because of the various emotional wounds the addict suffered as a child, tremendous fear and anger have been nurtured over years, even decades. Often, sex addicts are unaware of the reason for their fear and anger, but it drives them back to the familiar coping mechanism of their addiction.

If you or someone you love demonstrates the above characteristics in his/her daily life, please contact us for help.

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Do you have a Real Question you would like to ask? If so, email us at questions@bebroken.com .

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