At first I thought that he was just being congenial that Monday morning. My friend, Nate, asked me how my weekend went.
“Great! Friday I went to a football game that was rather depressing,” I answered facetiously. And immediately he interrupted my sober comment and proceeded to tell me a story about his wife and what happened to her that weekend. I thought it rather rude to interrupt me. But Nate enjoys messing with my mind so I went along with the flow of the conversation knowing that he had a particular direction he intended to go with it.
He continued with his story. His attractive wife went to a specialty store a few days earlier to purchase an item. The male clerk in the store was especially friendly and attentive towards her. In fact, she realized that the clerk was actually flirting with her. She is married and is a grandmother! But regardless, this clerk continued to carry on a conversation with her as if he were determined to keep her engaged with him. She had difficulty in leaving because of his persistence in talking with her. As an obviously married woman, this behavior made her particularly uncomfortable. Why would a man, married or not, flirt with a married woman? This was a puzzling question especially when she later discovered that this is a man who professes to be a Christian and is actively serving in his church. It was very disappointing to hear that a Christian brother was behaving this way with a Christian sister.
“What’s the big deal?” you may ask. “He’s just flirting a little bit.” Well, first of all, he was flirting with a married woman. Secondly, he isn’t “just flirting”. This is a pattern for him. This isn’t the first time he’s been observed relating inappropriately with a woman. He has developed a reputation as a flirt and a tease.
This contradictory pattern which is displayed in some Christian men is finally beginning to make some sense to me. The puzzle pieces are coming together at last.
It is a hard habit to break yet must be broken because lust leads to infidelity or adultery of the heart, if not physically.
Let me digress a bit. Last week, I was listening to a sermon by Robert Morris, pastor of Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas (www.gatewaypeople.org). This sermon was entitled The Purity Test. In this sermon, Pastor Morris was explaining that lust begins with looking and that it can become a habit over time. It is a hard habit to break yet must be broken because lust leads to infidelity or adultery of the heart, if not physically. Jesus said, “But I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart” Matthew 5:28.
According to Morris, most men need an accountability partner, such as a spouse or buddy, to help them to break the habit. He continued to explain that impurity in the heart and in the eye will affect your relationship with your family, with God and your future. He spoke from personal experience.
Morris also revealed that, from his own experience as a counselor, of all the people over the years that he has counseled regarding infidelity in their marriage, all of them had engaged in premarital sex. In marriage, they were dealing with infidelity or sexual impurity once again. This is not to say that premarital sex always leads to infidelity. But Pastor Morris has definitely seen a correlation between the two. Another interesting observation: many of these partners had been married more than one time. Why is that?
Here is how he explained this phenomenon in general terms. When a couple dated, they began with flirting and then eventually began to sneak around in order to become sexually involved. Along with the sexual attraction, the additional high adrenalin rush instigated by the sneaking around was mistaken for love. The couple eventually got married. No more sneaking around. No more adrenalin rush.
So, in a daily routine, the man went to work and became friends with a female co-worker. They became confidants. They flirted a little bit. After all, what was the harm? They weren’t “doing” anything, right? But soon, without premeditated intentions to do so, the affair began. And what happens when people are involved in an affair? They have to sneak around. So once again the man got that same high adrenalin rush that he first felt with his wife. He mistook it for love for this co-worker. He believed he was not in love with his wife any longer. They divorced. The co-workers married…. No more sneaking around. Then he eventually got bored… Get the picture?
Suddenly, as I put this concept and the illustration of the persistently flirtatious clerk together, it made more sense. Somewhere along the line, this flirtatious man became addicted to the high adrenalin rush associated with flirting and sneaking around. He enjoyed the flirting and all that was associated with it. It produces the high adrenalin rush. He had no intention of following through with the little bit of “fun” he was having. After all, what harm would it do just to flirt? But he is playing with fire. He is playing with lust and he is playing with a woman’s heart. And, in fact, sometimes he has allowed the lust to run a bit rampant…but has often regretted it later.
Why does this Christian brother continue to flirt with married or unmarried women, Christians or not? Because of the rush. He enjoys the sneaking around, the risk, the thrill. But at what expense?
“For the lips of an adulteress drips honey, and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood…Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your vigor to others, and your years to the cruel one…Drink water from your own cistern, and fresh water from your own well…For the eyes of a man are before the eyes of the Lord. His own sins will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. ” Proverbs 5:3-22.
The lure of temptation is not worth the brief pleasure. You don’t have to continue to be caught and held in the cords of your sin!
Brothers, avoid looking. It isn’t worth it. Do whatever it takes to break your bad habit. The lure of temptation is not worth the brief pleasure. You don’t have to continue to be caught and held in the cords of your sin!
“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” Matt. 5:29.
Determine today the plan that you will take to avoid looking! Determine to keep your eyes fixed away from the temptation. “Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you” Proverbs 4:25.
You may choose to tell a trustworthy friend or your spouse about your plan, someone who desires godliness and purity for you. Ask him/her to help keep you accountable. (If not your spouse, confide in someone of the same gender.) “Now flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those (accountability) who call on the Lord from a pure heart” 2 Timothy 2:22
That flirtatious Christian store clerk never knew that he had been found out. But because he has continuously chosen to get his sneak peeks and flirtation, his reputation as a flirt and tease has once again been affirmed. Does it pay for him to sneak? He may think so. But others know differently.
Lord, I pray for my Christian brothers that they will choose to avoid looking, choose to quit sneaking around, and choose to be held accountable! May their desire for You to lead them into truth and light be their ultimate pursuit!
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