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In This Issue:

• Purity Spotlight: Why Faithfulness Matters
• Resource Spotlight: Can My Marriage be Saved?
• Real Answers to Real Questions

 

Purity Spotlight

Why Faithfulness Matters

Have you noticed that the value placed on faithfulness has plummeted in recent years? It seems that everywhere you turn in our culture the message against being faithful is growing louder and louder. The idea of staying committed to one person in marriage for a lifetime is portrayed as antiquated and silly. From the White House to the Waffle House this mantra keeps resounding: me, me, me.

I am thankful that I have lived among people who have modeled faithfulness. First, my own parents were a picture of fidelity that I am increasingly grateful to have witnessed. Every day as a child growing up, I never once thought that my parents would split up. Never. This brought an amazing stability that I didn't even fully realize as a child, but I can see the value of such faithfulness in hindsight. I was free to be a child and not concern myself with "adult" matters because my parents made the commitment to stay together "for better or for worse."

Second, I have had the great privilege of seeing this same type of commitment in my in-laws. They have been married for 38 years and are people who I consider models for marriage. They love each other and their faithfulness to one another over the years is something to be celebrated, not scoffed at or belittled.

Finally, my wife deserves a marriage medal of valor. She has done what very few women (or men) would be willing to do in marriage. She chose to forgive my many betrayals, to face the mocking of others, and to remain faithful to me regardless of her own reputation or of my worthiness of such commitment. Her faithfulness has been a portrait of what true love is, not some flowery words that pour out of an emotionally swooning heart, but rather the strokes of love painted with sweat, tears, and even blood. True love is only found in faithfulness.

But why does faithfulness matter (if it truly does)? Don't we have the prerogative to go a different direction when life gets to heavy and marriage just seems tiresome? I mean, after all, we are only human, right? Why should I have to stay in a marriage that isn't fun or fulfilling or easy?

Faithfulness matters because it matters to God. Period.

The longer I walk with the Lord and the more I fall in love with Him, the more I am convinced that the core characteristic that He is looking for in us is faith(fulness). The simple definition of faith is "confidence or trust in another." Faithfulness means "steady in allegiance or affection; loyal." So, when you look at faith and faithfulness you find that God is seeking those who trust Him fully and remain loyal. These are the very traits of God Himself that draw us to love Him. We love Him "because He first loved us." He demonstrates faithfulness, a steadiness of affection for us, even when we are not worthy of such kindness (which is never, by the way...).

We must commit to faithfulness in our marriages because this is what God desires. Will such a commitment always be pleasant or make sense? Of course not! But that is why it is called faithfulness, not I'll-be-committed-as-long-as-it-is-convenient-"ness." Being self-centered is easy, it comes naturally to us all. But God never intended for us to live "natural" lives. He wants us to live supernatural lives, fully dependent on Him. Faithfulness isn't easy, but the rewards far outweigh the sacrifice.

Every couple I know who has chosen to endure in faithfulness has said it was worth it. That doesn't mean they would all sign up for the same heartaches again, but it does mean that faithfulness has a reward, now as well as in eternity. I don't want to go back to certain places in my own marriage's history. But I also don't want to erase the valuable lessons learned by trudging through those valleys. Faithfulness isn't faithfulness unless there are challenges.

What are you going to do to stem the tide of popular opinion against faithfulness? How are you teaching your children the importance of commitment? Don't succumb to the easy way. Instead, hold firm in your faithfulness, pushing against the culture and even your own weaknesses. God seeks to commend those loyal few who remain "steady in their allegiance and affection."

 

Resource Spotlight

Can My Marriage be Saved?
by Mae & Ericka Chambers

Can My Marriage be Saved? is filled with more than twenty true stories of couples whose marriages were restored, even after being deemed "hopeless" by their friends, family, counselors - even pastors!

Special Note: Jonathan & Elaine Daugherty's story is found in Chapter 6.

Price: $13.99 (plus S&H)

Click here for ordering info

 

Real Answers to Real Questions

Real Question: My betrayal of my wife for so many years has caused a LOT of damage to our relationship; emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. I am now in recovery and doing everything I can to "make up" for those years of selfishness, but I am worried that my wife's pain from all this will overwhelm her to the point of despair. Any thoughts or perspective for me?

Real Answer: I wish I had an easy answer for your situation with your wife.  Unfortunately, I don't.  I can share with you, however, that from my own experience you cannot put a timetable on the grief that your wife must go through in order to reach a point where she can consider forgiveness.  Grief is essential.  And that is just for her to get to a point of forgiveness - trust is a whole other issue.  My wife took nearly a year to get to a point where she was willing to forgive me, but it took an additional 4 years before she reached a point of trusting me again.  I don't give you these time tables so that you can assume your situation should be the same, but just to let you know that I can relate to the frustration of "why is this taking so long."

Finally, hang in there.  I know it's a long road and it often doesn't look like there is any end in sight.  But God rewards faithfulness.  Keep pursuing purity, regardless of how difficult your situation is or becomes.  Keep in mind that your motivation for purity must be your desire to please God, not for any expected outcome in your marriage (I know this is a hard perspective to keep, but it is ultimately the only perspective that keeps us moving forward in spite of difficult circumstances).

► Do you have a real question you need answered? If so, email it to us at questions@bebroken.com. 

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